thousandth cut

she doesn't want me
she's made that clear.

as these things go
it's only a small cut
nothing ever happened
	aside from another wasted year or so
	of fantasy and flirtation on my part
another wasted year of trying to convince
	one more woman who isn't interested
	that I'm a good guy who's worth a shot.

and it's probably
	as we humans like to say
for the best
I obviously don't have what she wants
and she probably doesn't have what I want either.

still
it felt nice to think for a while that
	maybe
something might happen
even something that might not last.

it felt nice to think for a while that
	maybe
someone else was thinking of me too
	and maybe
I wasn't so alone as I thought.

but once again I find
that even a woman who's been alone for a long time
	and complains constantly about
	being unable to find a "good man"
doesn't want me.

compared to any number of other items
on my long list of previous rejections and disappointments
this one is certainly minor
it's only a small ache this time
	a small ache with deep roots
it's only a small cut
	but small cuts add up too
a thousand women
a thousand cuts.

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