loveless

sometimes
when I stop and think about it
I can hardly believe
that no one loves me
not one woman
in all the world.

sixteen years
in loveless wilderness
	waiting		not waiting
	trying		not trying
	hoping		not hoping
	coping		not coping.

still starving
	but no longer hungry
a steady diet of
	poison treats and gut punches
	has killed my appetite.

I remember
what I was like
	how much I trusted
	how much I was willing to give
once upon a time
	poor guileless innocent
	eager naïf on the game board
bright eyes and bright heart
both bruised and bled dry
over and over by
	tricks and traps
	toxic affections
	love that was not love.

now I feel
like a piece of spoiled meat.

now I trust
strippers and hookers
more than I trust
the girl next door
'cause they'll never be able
	to lure me in
	break me down
	and slice me open
the way she can.

(PDF version)